It’s always been there. Pain is so much a normal way of life that if it isn’t present she seeks it. Pain is a privilege. It’s reserved for the living. Eternal peace? Isn’t that what death is for? If it hurts, it’s real and tangible.
People welcome pain differently. Denial, estrangement, and disregard create a frenzy of normalcy. It’s a Christmas Card. This is Life. Life is Good. And it is. But not without pain. Others go deep into pain until it numbs them solid. Drugs, alcohol, movies- purchases all to entertain and soothe. A few lucky bastards live life like an etch a sketch- create grief and then shake it gone. Gone.
Some of the best athletes are obsessed with pain. Emotional pain haunts their dreams and walks their shadows. Physical pain buries itself in sore muscles, breaks and chronic injuries. And if for a blissful moment they are actually pain free- they seek pain with a vengeance.
Sometimes it isn’t the most talented person who wins, but it is the one who is willing to suffer the most. Pain. She must have pain. Her proudest memories reside in it- blood, sweat and tears sound like joy.
The road to Hell is paved with good intentions? The path of the righteous is through his suffering? Enlightenment is one big starvation fest? Monks on fire? We want our heroes to suffer. So that we don’t have to? She doesn’t think so. We all want the right and privilege to pain.
The good pain.
To ride that high of burning alive through sport is such a treat to anyone who walks with pain. There is no limit to where one will push themselves when fear and pain become blessings. Limits are the worst demons of pain- self doubt, guilt, jealousy, envy, idleness, apathy. Well behaved women never made history. Gentlemen cut the deepest wounds.
As soon as pain dissipates she seeks it. She is an athlete main lined or side lined. She isn’t alone.