Zen Pants
“I really enjoy your blog Drea,” Ralph tells me at track, “But you know, a lot of the time I have no idea what you’re talking about!”
Hold on Kris, the road is about to get windy. Stay with me baby. I have a reoccurring dream. I can’t remember how long ago this dream began, but it has been years. In the dream, I am driving a car, not always the same car, on a steep road, not always the same road. However, the scenario is a match. The road begins to rise in an unsurmountable incline and no matter how much I gun the gas, my wheels begin to spin and eventually my car tips backward just before I reach the top. I watch the blue sky flash through the front windshield as I plummet backwards and now airborne falling trapped inside my vehicle. I wake up.
Click-click.
Don’t take notes. That dream analysis is obvious. No Freud degree required as this is bar talk simple. Pick a topic, any topic, I can make that dream fit to perfectly reflect my latest or longest itch. My mind spins like my wheels and IF I just get THERE then I will be on top and I can relax, but I NEVER get there. The road is too steep. I tumble backwards.
Uh-DUH, pick a new route.
Thanks.
Saturday’s workout was one of my worst in a while. Yeah not really because the numbers sucked, and they did. Yeah not really because the feeling associated with these sucky numbers sucked, and they did. But really because the mind associated with the sucky numbers and suck suck feeling sucked. How many times can I say suck? 1,231. I’m just answering the question.
No matter how many times Mike and Tim smelled bacon, I did not get to say, “That’ll do Pig.” It was an off workout. No big deal. So why the reminder from coach to smile? A while ago my friend told me, “I can’t really imagine training this hard if I wasn’t getting any better.”
That struck my suck nerve. What? Look that hot little dinner date named Personal Record hasn’t so much as even called in two years. Every once in a while she flirts with me in workouts, but when it matters it’s all….“Drea? I’m sorry, I don’t know her.” You know me beotch! Now come back over here and give me a kiss!
I run for multiple reasons all highlighted in one neon marker glowing because-I-love-it. But yes, I would LOVE to get better. I would LOVE to not get injured. I would LOVE to stay in this little happy place of relaxation and drive that I have found. It’s a sweet little pool and you are invited as long as you don’t pee in it. I have had a great time going out of town to other races and not PR-ing and getting my ass kicked. Honestly, it has been a fantastic spring. I do not fear getting my clock cleaned, but I do fear getting wound up by fault of my own insecurities. Sigh. I am not perfect.
“Um, I know you know this, but nobody thinks you’re perfect.”
OH COME ON! Some one out there thinks I am perfect? Anyone? Hello? You sir? Didn’t you call me a work of art?
“I said, Piece of work.”
Same-Same.
There is a fantastic child’s book that I read to my children, but really I read it to myself….over….and over. It is called Zen Shorts by Jon J Muth. I always want to call this book Zen Pants and then am constantly surprised when I pick it up and see Zen Shorts. The book revolves around a giant Panda, no not Poe, who teaches lessons to three young children through telling them real Buddhist literature. My favorite story goes like this- I will shorten it a lot.
Two traveling monks are by the water and a rude lady wants to get across without getting wet. Her attendants are busy carrying all her crap and can’t possibly carry her too. She snaps at the monks to help her out. The young monk ignores her. The old monk picks her up and carries her across the water and sets her down on the other side. She doesn’t thank him. The two monks hike along the rest of the day. The old monk is a happy guy and the young monk is cross. Finally the young monk loses his temper and questions how the old monk could not be bothered by the ungrateful and demanding behavior of the lady. The old monk smiles to the young monk and says……. “I put that woman down a long time ago, why are you still carrying her?”
POW!
Oh, I gotta stop picking up women! I mean, wait, look PR might not want to go out with me, but Grudge, she won’t stop texting, calling, popping in with coffee and beets like we’re sisters. I can hold a grudge like I can hold a plank. Have you been to class?
One of the tricks to being happy is achieving the true ability to Let Go. Let It Go. The space rented in your own head to grievances is a choice.
Now Ralph, are you still with me?
Hello?
Ralph?
22 Responses to “Zen Pants”
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[...] Maybe all I need is new pair of shoes, a big hug from my kid, a piece of cake, or a PR?? (see Coach’s blog) [...]
Ah, our own pretty little Sisyphus. Ya know, he was condemned to his boulder pushing for his trickery. Trickery. I’m just saying./ Love the monk story. Some of us certainly have our ‘old lady’ or boulder we need to set down and move on. I’m the walking(running?) definition of this.
I forgot about my wicked serpent ways. It all makes sense now. Out out damn spot.
You ARE perfect and you ALWAYS make sense….at least to me.
Oh stop it….no don’t….Oh you are too much….you’re just enough….shucks….ha
I know it is easy for me to type this now as I am finally reaping some of the benefits of sticking it out through all the “suckiness” I have been through. I want to encourage you to keep on truckin’! Take a deep breath, put a big smile on your face, and enjoy the run. Workouts are not always indicators of performance…don’t let them define you. Your commitment and tenacity inspire me. Saturday is done and tomorrow is a new day. If workouts are sucking, find something else in training to be excited about…a cute running outfit, possibly? Look good, feel good, I always say.
I think my biggest breakthrough this year came from doing my best to just enjoy the process…letting loose a little bit and finding balance in my life. As much as running consumes our entire lives…sometimes you just have to take a step back and do something else.You got this lady…I’m proud of you!! P.S. sorry for the novel…
Hi B, write on sister! I have and am still enjoying watching your success this year. I am constantly looking toward it and well almost sharing the happiness with you- because it’s just great to see! Don’t worry, my chins up (not too high) and my minds wide open. Xoxo
I don’t know what they are talking about. I always know what you are talking about…especially when you are linking me. Thanks for the link!
Ah “That’ll do pig.”
Yes!!! I have ADD, but I did totally catch the renting-space-in-the-head-thingy toward the end!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE it!!! And I, even with ADD, do get all of your blog entries…thankfully
Oh Mary I knew we connected well!!
Lurker first time poster. I must concur with Ralph. There are posts in which I have no idea what you are talking about. But is part of what makes the blog enjoyable to stop in on as is a few degrees off normal (which I can unequivocally relate to). That and you are a bad-ass runner.
Well, welcome Ted. You know if you post enough you will get your own nickname? Enticing? I mean look at Brian….I gave him Brizzle and he created a whole blog about it! Admit it, you want a nickname.
hey, ralph may not be with u, but i am!! hehe. a lot of us struggle will being too hard on ourselves; to a degree it’s wat makes us better because we don’t want to settle. BUT, we need to make sure to keep it in check too. for workouts like that, a good tip is to chuck the watch and just stop timing the splits. in the end the effort is there; u may even end up be running the times u wanted but may never know…but who cares? it can unload a lot of the self-imposed stress and u’ll get in the workout…prolly better quality too than if u were timing them and stressing. either way u’ll mentally feel better.
Thanks Cait that advice is spot on with what my coach would and does say. I definitely wouldn’t have run any fast with or without a watch. I still would have known it was a crap day. But yes, I agree, the little flashing numbers can be a DRAG!
You read my mind. I could have written most of that post: ditto on the dreams, the run, and the women. Wish I could say the same about the planks – I’m working on it – give me a few, um, years.
Oh no, we gonna get your planks holding grudges that will last years….I mean….let’s leave it at we’ll improve your plank(s).
Like your monk-putting-the-lady-down story.
Of course you know that your blog (& writing) is quite diverse. When something comes along that I really like, I usually “comment” or mention it to you on Tuesday/Saturday. Don’t know what it particularly was on the track day that you mention.
I never cease to be amazed when the running that I see you doing is so different from what’s apparently inside your head at that moment.
And by the way, I also hated the 2 hour Saturday run past the cemetery.
Eye of the tiger Ralph….run first, digest later. Digesting and running just leads to emotional vomit….ie….tears.
Ahh, didn’t you know PRs have a 2 year expiration date? Anything more than 2 years old doesn’t count any more. So you are good. Next race, total PR opportunity.
That makes it sounds worse
It just means you get a fresh start to make new PRs. I read this in Runner’s World, so it must be true.