Exert from the Guilt Book

“Mam you’re allowed one carry on only, ” she glances at the fifteen duffle bags surrounding Barbara, “And it has to fit in the overhead compartment.”

“Well can I check all this other stuff?”

“No, ” heavy sighs, “We’re not that kind of airline.  One…Small…Carry on only.”

“OK, what am I supposed to do with all my stuff?”

“What’s in those bags?  What you said in 1985?  The entire month of January 1993?  A hundred pound duffle from yesterday?  Why are you trying to board with all this stuff anyway?”

“It’s my shit!  Nobody else wants it.  Where am I supposed to put it?  I’m not Catholic and from what I hear that doesn’t work anyway, guilt just breeds more guilt.”

“Where you put your excess baggage isn’t my problem lady, as long as you don’t put it on me.  I recommend you walk to terminal 2.  There’s a great bar there, Dante’s Inferno, they have a fabulous Sinfadel and a fire pit.  Burn it.  When you come back here, make sure it’s with ONE carry on only.”

“Everyone else on that plane only has one carry on?”

“Yes.  And a lot smaller biceps for it.”

“You make it seem really easy to unload.”

“Look, you’ll probably just keep picking up new bags along your travels.  I can’t help you there, but I can tell you that if you want to keep moving forward you have to lighten your load.  And that does not mean by putting it in storage, donating it to some other sucker, or putting it back in your bedroom in your parent’s house.”

“Are you going to hold the plane if I go for a drink and a burn?”

“No, you can get the next plane.  We fly all day.  But remember, there isn’t any self check out around here.  We tell you when you’re done traveling.  Terminal 2 is that way.  Say hi to my mother, she is still in there.”

“OK, what’s her name?”

“Don’t worry, she’ll tell you.”

Hit Like

Social networks extend our communities into backyard buddies.  Recently, I ran down Barbara’s backside and overheard a group of young hiking women declare, “You have got to get control and up the importance of your SELFIES!”

I’m old.  Not too old for the earth, just too old for this club.  Remember the days when you ONLY got in trouble for forgetting your mother’s birthday?  Now, if you don’t Happy Birthday one of your 360 friends on Facebook…well, I’m just not gonna say.

What does it mean to “LIKE” something?  What gets “LIKE” the most?  Gratitude, thankfulness, happiness, love, faith, and humanity go a long way.  That’s a good thing!  That is a very good thing.

But, when was the last time you were in a card shop and read a cheesy Hallmark card that had a picture of a frosted covered hillside with a deer wearing a red ribbon and read the words I am so grateful for your presence in my life that I wrap love in red and satin to spring her loose like winter’s end.  Happiness knows where my rosemary grows.  Deers are lost in high beams.  I love your head lights.

And you bought it?  Actually, that I might buy.  That touches on reality.  I love your boobs.  The cute deer was just a decoy.

Grateful is important.  Especially as a woman sitting in a very nice place exercising freedom of speech and expression.  We don’t always exceed at being humble.  Humble does not mean self deprivation, being a door mat, or even being right vs wrong.  

Humanity, being human is an intricate design of grace and total ass fucking worthlessness.  Everyone poops.  To “LIKE” it means I accept it.  Or I want to be it.  Or everyone else did so I will.  Or I want my friend who you blocked to see it.  A big world can become very very small.  Reality doesn’t seem there.

Enter Forgiveness.  She pretty much stops the party doesn’t she?  If you are going to forgive you have to forget.  She is a diva that forgiveness.  She flirts a lot and never really settles into the soul….but if she does.  Peace be with you.

Flyte 747 carries Byrds of Paradise

The local Oiselle team put in a solid showing at this year’s Are You Tough Enough?  Does it get a question mark?  I can’t really remember because locals cut it down to RUTE.  As long as you packed snacks beer, it is almost impossible to get stuck in a RUTE.  This is the DisneyLand of running events.  Happiest place on earth?  Right in Barbara’s back yard.

With every run I do these days, my HHIT aka damnstring aka ass pain aka pain in the ass leaves me only able to do one thing decently…. ascend.  I was honored to be on the team: Monica, Cindy, Jessica, & Desa and hoped I wouldn’t limp let them down.

2014-04-05 Tough Enough 011True to friendship and true to running, with the right flock you never even get the chance to disappoint. The Oiselle Byrds were ready to fly.  (Even if we would pay for it later)

From Toro Canyon onward into Solvang, teams (sometimes just two people) covered the 65 mile course under brilliant skies and a bitching wind.  Performances were impressive.  Even with this year’s course being roughly 3/4 a mile short, records went down *They would have fallen even if the course had been the same.  The over all winning team RUTE BEER (I told you Beer was important!) broke the co-ed record and out sprinted the second place team by merely a minute.  Let’s break that down, the all dude’s team was in front and Annie ran him down without a kiss at the door.  What do we call that?  It has a bird name right?  OH Yes, CHICKED!”  Nicely done.

The Oiselle Byrds landed the women’s win in a too meaningful time to ignore 7:47.  We are certain that Cindy strategically planned that while trouble shooting leg 1.  Brilliant Cindy.  Simply top drawer.

Thanks to Jim Kornell of Are You Tough Enough and all the teams who make it a day to remember.

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